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July 25th, 2008

11:59 am - I'm an "Executive and Professional Woman," apparently. So, here's how things have been going for me lately. My "temp to permanent" job at Rohm and Haas went from being just temp to nonexistent in May, after a year and a half of confusing and frustrating job limbo. The day I was escorted out of the building by security (yes, I seriously was), I came home and filed for unemployment compensation. For weeks after that I called several different "UC" representatives from everywhere from Norristown to Altoona to find out when I would receive the money I was legally owed. All of these representatives appeared to be card-carrying members of the historical "Know-Nothing" party. They claimed not to know when I would receive my payments, what the hold up was, where they were or what year it was. Finally, over a month after I filed, someone named "Jay" called and told me someone else had filled out the wrong form. A few days later I received three payments. Since being led out of the Rohm and Haas building by security (I'm not kidding, I really was) and severing all ties with Kelly Services, I have been scouring the Internet daily for a possible new position. I assumed I would find a new job within two weeks, as I have all the other times I've been on the market. Two months and six interviews later, here I sit, still subsisting on my meager "UC," filling my days with Craigslist, cleaning, Dr. Mario and digital cable. My plan is to continue this sloth-like pattern for the full six months I can keep accepting "UC," and, if I'm still unemployed, get a job at Starbucks. Don't sigh or cluck your tongue in pity. I'd actually be thrilled to work at Starbucks. I'm kind of excited about the prospect of it. I love making lattes, for some reason, and I love the atmosphere of a coffee shop: the dim lighting, the soft music, the self-proclaimed artists, writers, and hipster college students who frequent such establishments.. it's all so very chill and relaxing. I'd be working there right now, if I thought I could make more money than I currently am on unemployment. So, with no hope of a new job in the near future, I've begun to focus more on my humble web design business. I re-designed my home page (www.jenHM.com), finished the two web sites was working on, and put up some new ads on Craigslist. So far, I haven't had any serious bites. However, I have good news (no, I didn't save a bunch of money on my car insurance)! Today I received a letter informing me that I've been considered for one of the highest honors for "executive and professional women" like me: Dear Jennifer, You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent Glenside, PA in the 2008/2009 online Cambridge Who's Who Registry Among Executive and Professional Women. We are pleased to inform you that on July 9, 2008, your candidacy was approved. Your prompt response is needed to ensure your correct professional information. Fill out and return the enclosed reply card by August 7, 2008. We've provided the postage for your convenience. The office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based upon the candidate's current position, and usually with information obtained from researched executive and professional listings. The Director thinks that you may make an interesting biographical subject, as individual achievement is what Cambridge Who's Who is all about. Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among thousands of accomplished individuals in the Cambridge Who's Who Registry. Remember, there is no cost to be included. On behalf of the Managing Director, we look forward to your appearance in this year's edition. Best wishes for continued success. Sincerely, M. Foster Editor in Chief Wow! Out of all the "executive and professional women" in Glenside, the "Office of the Managing Director" chose me, based on my "current position" (unemployment?), and "information obtained from researched executive and professional listings" (Craigslist?). Out of all the female-owned businesses in Glenside, my $400 a year (on a good year) web design business is the best possible candidate for this registry of "thousands of accomplished individuals." I cannot begin to express how honored I am to be considered as a "biographical candidate." Indeed, I do believe I would "make an interesting biographical subject." I can tell them all about my quest to beat the world record for highest score in Dr. Mario at medium speed, my struggle with my digital cable box, my love of daytime Mad TV reruns, and of course how I went from pizza-faced to "clean and clear and under control" in a matter of months. Other "executives and professionals" will certainly be impressed. I must say, however, that I am not surprised that I have been considered for this honor. In all of my ten jobs, my positions could be called nothing if not "executive and professional." I've been a bus girl, a retail sales associate, a barista, a telemarketer, a bank teller, an administrative assistant, and of course a temp. If that isn't an impressive list of "individual achievements," I don't know what is. I'd like to thank "M. Foster, Editor in Chief" of "Cambridge Who's Who," for promptly sending me this notification, complete with digitally processed signature, on July tenth, even though I just received it today, July 25th. Perhaps Bastille Day delayed its delivery. I will of course fill out the enclosed reply card and accept my candidacy, as no registry of "accomplished individuals" would be complete without Jennifer H. Meservey. Current Location: Deluxe Apartment in the Sky Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Wilco

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May 23rd, 2008

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April 22nd, 2008

09:27 am - New Story Reviews for Skin Deep (paraphrased)... "Extremely disturbing, but nicely written." "A little gross, but I really liked it." Check it out if you don't mind disturbing, gross stuff: fictionpress.com/s/2507767/1/Skin_Deep Current Location: Mypos Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Fountains of Wayne

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April 17th, 2008

01:48 pm - I can write this crap. if you woke up tired, you probably need more sleep. if you woke up drooling at your desk, you probably need a new job. if you woke up with a headache, on a ferris wheel at the idaho state fair, wearing a toga, you probably need answers, not to mention this product. it's got potassium and b vitamins to help you recover and feel refreshed—kinda like in those old irish spring® soap commercials. and if you're like our boss, mike, and woke up married to an elvis impersonator, you probably need a lawyer. That was written on the label of the Vitamin Water I drank this morning. Someone gets paid to write that crap, probably more than I get paid. They probably have some BS degree (BS has two meanings here, har har) in English or some other crap. They spent four years at school and thousands of dollars so they could get a job writing nonsensical prose using piss-poor grammar, hawking over-priced, watered-down juice. Damn it. Why don't I have that job? Current Location: The World's Longest Temp Job Current Mood: bitter Current Music: Ben Folds

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April 10th, 2008

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April 8th, 2008

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April 7th, 2008

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April 3rd, 2008

01:29 pm - On Writing:  Further Proof that Stephen King is a Genius I just have to say that Stephen King is a freaking genius. I'm reading On Writing, and wow. I'm only on like page 44 and I've already learned a lot. I'm not sending this book back to Booksfree, I'm keeping it, and highlighting the best parts. I'm working on "Skin Deep," and I have this whole like page and a half that I thought I might want to take out. Then today at lunch I read about how as a teenager, King wrote an article for his local newspaper, and when he handed it in, the editor crossed out like a third of it. He said that was the most important lesson he ever learned about writing... "When you write a story, you're telling yourself the story... When you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story." OMG. What a revelation. Take out everything that's NOT the story. I guess it kind of seems like common sense, but it's not as easy as it sounds. I mean, I was already sort of doing that since I saw the beginning of Secret Window, where Johnny Depp types a few lines and goes, "That's just bad writing.... You know what you have to do," then he deletes the whole thing. I do that bit in my head whenever I erase stuff, and sometimes out loud. It probably scares people on the train. I already learned some stuff from King, even before I read On Writing. I read somewhere that he doesn't like adverbs, and reading his books, I realized he hardly ever uses them. Instead, he uses analogies and similes and what not. So when I wrote "Danielle's Autopsy Table," I tried to use as little adverbs as possible. I ended up using a lot of hyphens, but it worked. So for "Skin Deep," I'm avoiding adverbs, AND cutting out anything that's NOT the story. Wow. It makes so much sense it makes me want to vomit. That didn't make any sense. In other writing news, no one is biting on my book idea. I'm almost ready to just scrap it. Either that, or I'm going to label myself as a "horror writer." I didn't want to have to do that, but I think it will help weed out the people who might get scared away once I send them to my fictionpress page. Maybe if I advertise in more cities, and look for a specific genre, I'll have better luck. I guess I am a horror writer anyway, though I'd consider my writing to be about two thirds horror and one third.. anti-social. Horror's just what I seem to be writing lately. I'm getting it all out now, after keeping it bottled up for like ten years, since that time my mom freaked at me when she read "Five Seconds." Oh, I found some comforting words about that in On Writing too, when King was talking about a teacher who asked him why he was wasting his talent writing "junk." He said he felt ashamed of his writing for years after that... "I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that's all." This book, seriously, is like my new handbook for life.. after the Bible. They can put that quote on the book jacket: "Jen Heller Meservey says, 'This book is my new handbook for life.'" Have I said wow yet? Wow. Current Location: Derry, ME Current Mood: impressed Current Music: Buddy Holly

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March 31st, 2008

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March 27th, 2008

02:26 pm - Cutting Back on the Coffee Yep, I gotta cut back on the coffee. I feel pretty crappy, and lately I've needed more and more caffeine to get high. I'm going to do a little detoxing today. I made myself a cup of half-decaf, half-regular, and I've got a Snapple iced tea if I need a fix later. So my search for short fiction writers in Philadelphia isn't going very well. I received one response to my ad, and I haven't heard from that person since I explained my idea and sent them a link to my fictionpress page. Hm. I've posted ads on the South Jersey and Delaware craigslists now. I'm gradually expanding my search area. Eventually I may have to abandon the idea of finding Philly-area writers. I'll probably have more luck in New York. What's worse is, my search for another on-line community where I can find local writers has so far come up empty. The only thing I found was a meetup group, but I don't want to have to actually go out and meet people face to face and explain my idea out loud. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I'm terrible at explaining things out loud. I can't see why a bunch of writers would want to meet in person anyway. We're WRITERS. It stands to reason we'd communicate most effectively through writing. If I went to a meetup, I'd have to bring a script for myself. That would be something. I'd sound like I did in my telemarketing days, "Hi, this is Jen from Lindelle Studios, and I was just wondering if you'd selected a wedding photographer yet... You haven't? That's great! Because right now, we're offering a FREE vacation certificate, JUST for meeting with one of our photographers..." I think I've finally forgotten most of that script. Not that I really ever said it word-for-word. Most of it sounded ridiculous, so I had to make some modifications. Aaaaaaaanyway... Not much else is new. I'm tired, I'm G-ed out on caffeine, and I can't find any writers in Philly. I finished "It Ate Everything," and it rules. I wish someone would make a low budget horror film out of it. I think I'm finally going to write "Skin Deep" next. I think I've abandoned "Home by the Sea" for now. See what happens when I try to write something that's longer than 4,000 words? I get bored. Maybe if I find some other writers around here I'll see if any of them wants to finish it for me. Why not? I'm all about collaboration these days. Anyway, Skin Deep, yeah. That could be really good. I think I have to do some disturbing research first. The concept has been on my mind a lot lately, with my acne becoming so bad that I feel like I should wear a porcelain mask and live under an opera house. I've switched back to my previous routine and it seems to be slightly better. Eleven more days until my appointment. *sigh* Oh, I've got all this web work all of a sudden. Figures just when I decide to start focusing on writing instead of web design, two of my previous clients need major changes and two random people call me out of the blue and ask me to build their sites. It's crazy. I'm not advertising anymore, and my web site has been down since the 16th because apparently I never paid to renew my domain. Yet people are calling me. Freakin word of mouth. Those jerks at Cedant still haven't gotten back to me. Now I've got broken links everywhere. I hate knowing I have a broken link somewhere, it makes me twitch. That's pretty much it. I need a haircut, but I won't be able to afford one for a while. Maybe I'll use some of my "economic stimulus payment" for that. I want to use some to publish my ill-fated book of short stories by Philadelphia-area authors. Hopefully I'll find more than one other person to help foot the bill. I need to pay off some of my debt, but I feel an obligation as an American citizen to actually stimulate the economy with my economic stimulus payment. So I'm thinking, I pay Sallie Mae whatever I'll be past due by then, then send like $100 to other miscellaneous creditors, then use the rest to stimulate the economy by buying junk. Hooray for economics. Dude, my parents are going to get so much scratch from Uncle Sam. I read that married couples who file jointly get $1200, PLUS $300 for each dependant child they claim. So, my parents are looking at $3300. Damn. They'll probably buy another obscenely large TV. I wish they would have been loaded when I was little. Those lucky kids. So in summation: I'm writing more, working on more web sites, drinking less coffee, and finding less writers than I'd hoped. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion. Current Location: Cashtown, PA Current Mood: tired Current Music: Pretenders

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March 20th, 2008

03:24 pm - 5,000 Words or Less? OOOH! I just had the best idea. I was just thinking about how it's going to take me forever to come up with enough short stories to publish a book, and how I don't really feel like doing all the publishing and promoting by myself, but I don't feel like paying some agent to try and persuade some publishing company to do it... Then I had a breakthrough. I should get together with a handful of other short fiction writers from the Philadelphia area and publish a compilation of our best short stories. We can share the publication and promotional costs, and the profits. Not only would I have enough stories much quicker, but I'd also have a whole group of people promoting it, not to mention helping to pay for it. Wow. I'm sure there are lots of other writers like me, who can't finish a novel, but have all these short stories sitting around that they'd like to publish. I can see it now. We could call it "5,000 Words or Less," or something, -- that's pretty good actually -- and we'd play up the local angle, "Five of Philadelphia's Best Short Fiction Writers," or something. Woo, I'm good. I could edit it and put that on my resume.. oo and use all the promos I'd create for my portfolio. Two birds! One stone! Ha! I'm going to wait until I type up "It Ate Everything," which is finished and brilliant. Then I'm going to do A LOT of research and create a sort of business plan, for my potential fellow investors (and add THAT to my portfolio too). It'll be so cool. I'm psyched. Here's a rough outline, just off the top of my head... Compile the best short stories from all writers involved Proofread/edit Create book layout Come up with title/cover concept Publish a short run through an adequate self-publishing company (Discmakers for writers) Create book web site/myspace/facebook Post ads on-line Place displays/fliers in local businesses Request reviews from web sites, magazines, etc. Um... yeah, that's all I got at the moment. Of course, I'll break that down into more detail later. I'll probably make a Power Point. Yay! I wish I had time to work on my plan this weekend, but I'm totally booked. I'll at least type that story up. It needs to be on-line. It's long as balls, though. Why do my stories keep getting longer and longer? Am I going to write a 400-page novel one day without even realizing it? I doubt it. I'm going to have to start paying someone else to type these jawns for me. OK. That's all. Current Location: Feeling Better Town Current Mood: excited Current Music: Buzzcocks

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02:01 pm - Review: Buckaroo Banzai Dot Dot Dot My Netflix review of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (I thought it was funny.. my review, not the movie)... Three letters can sum up my review of this movie: WTF?!?! Buckaroo is all over the place, he's a neurosurgeon, he's a physicist, he's a secret agent, he's a musician... Woah, hold on! He moves so quickly from one job/skill/hobby to the next, we don't have time to understand any one of them. The plot is the same way. It's as if 20 writers with 20 different scripts were all running down a corridor and crashed into each other, spilling their respective scripts onto the floor in a jumbled mess. Rather than try to sort them out, they scooped them up into a big pile and called it Buckaroo Banzai. Nevermind that some pages were missing or torn or upside-down. I feel like there's a missing previous film I needed to see first, in order to make sense of this one. Even with all the funny nicknames and one-liners in the world, Buckaroo Banzai is confusing at best. Current Location: The 3rd Dimension Current Mood: tired Current Music: Buzzcocks

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March 17th, 2008

01:50 pm - Green Funk I wore a holiday color by accident again today. The only sweater left in my closet just happened to be green. I don't mind wearing green on St. Patrick's Day, though. For some reason, it feels less corny than wearing red on Valentine's Day. I have to get out of this funk I've been in lately. I think I just need a new job. I'm kind of stuck, though, because when I think about finding another administrative job I start to feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to do that anymore. I really want to write. What I'll probably end up doing is sulkily checking Craigslist for entry level copywriter positions until Rohm and Haas decides they don't need me anymore. Then I'll have to settle for some admin. job somewhere else. My dad keeps trying to get me to contact my mom's cousin, who hires out IT professionals. I don't know if I qualify as an IT professional, or if I want to be one. I already decided I was over the whole computer field thing. What would I do, anyway? Grrr we'll call that plan B. Or maybe I just need a vacation. Like I can afford that. I should use the $600 we're supposed to get from the government in May, but I really need to send that to Sallie Mae and/or Capital One and/or Bank of America. Stupid debt. Maybe I'll just send $200 to Sallie Mae and use the rest to go on vacation. I could really use a change of scenery. I feel like I'm in prison and they won't tell me how long my sentence is. "Oh, you'll be here at LEAST through the end of the year." Can I get out on good behavior? Stupid job limbo... Job pergatory. Maybe I should finish that book I was working on... or the other one. Do I have a future in that? Do I have a future anywhere? I need help. Can you see why I'm in a funk? So, St. Patrick's Day. Green stuff. I had a green bagel this morning. Apparently I was one of only three people in my buildilng to try them. I don't know what everyone's afraid of. It was obviously just a plain bagel with green food coloring in it. Be a little festive, jeez. They must not be Irish. I'm a quarter Irish, so that entitles me to a green bagel. I want some Irish Potatoes. Mmmm... Current Location: The Hard to Find City Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Zombies

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March 14th, 2008

03:17 pm - So glad it's Friday/I have owned robots Today on Night Court for some reason there was a crazy woman pointing a gun at Dan, who thought she was living in various classic movies. So, of course, they all had to act like different movie characters to play along with her and get her to calm down. I only saw ten minutes of it because Percy curled up in bed with me this morning, and he was being really cute (as usual), so I stayed in bed an extra ten minutes. Anyway, this woman made me think that's probably what I'll be like one day when I go crazy. I'll just keep quoting different movies and nobody will know what I'm talking about... Not that that's a stretch compared to how I am now. So, it's Friday and I'm soooooo glad. This week has sucked big time. Tomorrow I plan on sleeping late, epilating, and watching the Teddy Ruxpin DVD my dad gave me for Valentine's Day. I thought it was weird when I talked to my mom on the phone and she said my dad got me something for Valentine's Day and it wasn't candy. She said, "It's kind of a sentimental thing." That freaked me out, because my dad's like me, he's not sentimental. I was like, oh no, Dad's gone soft already and he's only 44. Then I found out it was a joke and my mom just didn't get it (as usual). It's funny coming from my dad because, let's face it, I was raised by Teddy Ruxpin and TV. As a kid I bounced back and forth between grandparents' houses, where I was placed in front of the TV and left to my own devices (explains a lot, doesn't it?). I didn't have any siblings yet, but I had a teddy bear that talked to me and I was chillin. Now, here I am, a fully grown woman, and Teddy Ruxpin is on DVD. I'm interested to see how it looks. I wonder if there are bonus features. lol You know, recently I added to my life's goals that I wanted to own a robot, but now that I think about it, I have owned robots. I went through like four Teddy Ruxpins and even more Grubby's (his caterpillar-like friend, for those of you who were deprived and never had one). They kept breaking, so my parents had to keep getting me new ones. If Teddy wasn't a robot, I don't know what is. So either I need to cross that one off the list, or be more specific. Maybe I'll re-phrase it to "Own a robot AGAIN." Have I mentioned I'm glad it's Friday? Current Location: 80's time warp Current Mood: relieved Current Music: The Cure

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March 13th, 2008

09:28 am - Worst Week Ever I called Abington Dermatology Associates today and changed my next appointment to be a with a different doctor.. or, I should say, with A doctor, because the guy I was seeing wasn't actually a doctor. The receptionist didn't sound surprised or ask me why. It's like she gets that all the time. I mean, I wouldn't have a problem with him not being a real doctor, if he was helping me. The guy comes in, looks at me for two seconds, writes out 2-3 prescriptions that will cost me $200 each, tells me to come back in a month, then rushes out of there like he has somewhere more important to be. Meanwhile, not only are his prescriptions NOT helping, they actually seem to be making my acne WORSE. It's worse than it's ever been in my entire life. I was actually doing better with the OTC crap I was using before I went to see him. I was all ready to tell this to the receptionist when I called, but she didn't seem concerned. So I'm giving a real doctor a shot, and if things don't improve in a few months, I'll decide I've just been wasting my time and go back to DIY acne prevention. No offense "Kevin," but I need someone who's going to spend a little more time actually examining the problem, and a little less time just blindly throwing over-priced prescriptions at it. In other news, I've been having a bad week, for a number of reasons. Mostly I haven't been getting much sleep, and I'm frustrated with my job and my inability to find a better one. Getting turned down for that position because of my lack of a car and driver's license really pissed me off and put a damper on the whole rest of the week. I had two awesome opportunities and got shot down both times. Now here I am, stuck at the world's longest temp job, squandering my talents daily from 8:15 to 4:15, and I'm exhausted. Yesterday I got up earlier than usual, sort of by accident. In my tired daze I forgot what time I usually get up. I'm still not sure what time I was getting up before this week. Anyway, I had extra time so I watched the second half of an episode of Night Court. It was awesome, so I did it again today. Harry was unknowingly dating a porn star. Classic. Not that having more time in the morning has made me any less tired or any earlier for work. I didn't get a very good night's sleep last night. First, I had a weird dream where I was a vampire hunter and I was trying to save a little girl from a house full of the undead. Is there a story in that? Perhaps. I woke up in the middle of it with a really bad pain in my shoulder. It was like I dislocated it or something. I couldn't move it. That was around 3am. So I tried to go back to sleep without moving my arm. Then I woke up again at 5am because I had to use the bathroom, and when I got in there I saw a huge bug running around on the floor. At least, I think it was a bug. I didn't have my glasses on, but it was big and brown and it moved really fast. It was too fast for me to kill it and it escaped under the door, to roam around freely through my apartment. So naturally, I developed "bug paranoia." You know, that feeling you get after seeing a bug in your house, where you think it may be lurking behind every corner. You're afraid you'll step on it with your bare feet, or that it will be resting on your pillow when you lie down, or be floating in your glass of water when you take a sip. That's how I felt, anyway. So I had trouble getting back to sleep after that, because I kept thinking I'd find a freakishly large bug crawling up my leg under the blankets. I just hope it wasn't a cockroach. The way those buggers multiply... *shudder* When I got up at 5am, Percy of course demanded to know why. He followed me back to bed, meowing loudly, as he usually does, then jumped in the bed next to me and continued running his mouth for another ten minutes or so. I wish I knew what he was saying all the time. I mean, he never shuts up. Is he highly opinionated, or does he just like to hear himself talk? I used to say of my sister Dana that she needed to talk to breathe, like sharks need to swim to breathe. I think Percy needs to talk to move, because the only time he's not talking is when he's lying down. Um.. that's pretty much it. I'm unhappy with my job and my lack of a career, I'm tired, my shoulder hurts, and I have really bad acne. The good news is, Chris and I got really close to beating Streets of Rage 2 on hard last night. Woot. Current Location: Disgruntlevania Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Buddy Holly

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March 10th, 2008

01:17 pm - Give me what I want and I'll go away. *sigh* I was turned down for another copywriting job today because I take SEPTA. How discriminatory. The guy wouldn't even give me the address so I could figure out a route. He just swore they were nowhere near any public transportation whatsoever and hung up. It was going really well up until that point. It sounded like me and that job were a perfect match. I even felt like I had the upper hand because they really wanted someone with my particular array of skills and experience. It would have been $1 less per hour, meaning I'd be out $32/month, but it was in Lansdale, so I could have purchased the cross county trailpass and saved $46/month over the insanely expensive zone 3 one I have to use now. So in the end I'd be up $14/month. Like SEPTA doesn't go to Lansdale. Hello? I went to school in Lansdale for a year and a half, and I worked in Lansdale for almost three years. I'm just a little bit familiar with the area, thank you very much. I want to die. A reasonable person would take this as a sign that I should learn to drive, and to them I say, eff that! That place was going to pay me $1 less than I'm making now. It is not worth spending money on car insurance and gas for that. I hope they're forced to hire a less qualified person and it's a disaster, and a few weeks from now they're offering to pick me up for work AND pay me what I'm asking. It's their loss, really. So now I'm back to square one AGAIN. It's so frustrating. So rarely do these positions come along that don't require a degree. Grrr!! I'm going to be a temp for life. Damn you, Kelly Services. That's, right I said DAMN YOU, KELLY SERVICES!! I hope they read this. They've made my list of things that ruined my career... Lansdale School of Business Kelly Services My various high school guidance counselors The economy Sallie Mae "The computer field," hmmph. My arse. Screw computers. I'm finally moving to that shack in the woods I've been talking about, with nothing in it but a typewriter and a black and white analog TV. Oh, crap they're switching to digital next year. There goes that plan. Seriously, I wish I would have been born forty years earlier, when there was no "computer field." Then I probably would have done the right thing and majored in English or journalism and gotten some kind of writing job. Or maybe not. I might have just been a housewife... Even better!! I'd be a housewife and use my spare time to write a novel. Oh, those were the days. Damn feminists. They've made my list too. Number six, FEMINISTS. I'm ranting now so I'm going to stop and take a deep breath and eat some chocolate. Current Location: The Gutter Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Cat Stevens

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March 4th, 2008

11:10 am - I'm tired, I have a show on Thursday, and I need a new job. Given the choice between saving my face or my hair, I've had to choose my face. I'm 99% sure my hair products are making me break out. It's a real shame, because they make my hair look so nice, but I've decided my face is more important. I've invested too much money and effort into clearing up my face to throw it all away on my hair. Herbal Essences, I hardly knew ye. Maybe Mia will want it. Today I'm switching back to the cheap stuff. I kind of looked a hot mess this morning. I didn't do my hair or my makeup and my shirt was all untucked and I got peanut butter all over my pants. That's what happens when I'm running late and I'm exhausted, and too busy trying to figure out how to beat those motorcycle guys in TMNT for Gameboy Advance to worry about whether my hair is frizzy or my face looks like a Lite Brite that only has red and pink lights. I wonder... I wonder if my skin will ever be clear. I mean, I've done everything but sell my soul to the devil to fix it, and I still feel like I should put a sack over my head and retreat to the wilderness where I'll live out my days eating raw fish in a cave with the other freaks. Is that an exaggeration? Maybe one day I'll just be old and have to worry about wrinkles instead. I'd love to have wrinkles instead of this crap. Yay, wrinkles. That's enough. I'm tired. Current Location: Planet VO5 Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Cat Stevens

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February 29th, 2008

09:54 am - Drunk Jerks, Phony Flirts, and Crazy Ladies... and Ribs After the show last night... CHRIS:  I liked it, I had fun. ME:  You didn't have a freakin fan club of drunk dudes yelling at you from the bar. KARL:  Ha-ha you're attractive! CHRIS:  I'd rather be the hot chick than that gay guy who sings. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the show at the rib house last night when right before we started playing I overheard some drunk jackass say, "Hey, look at the girl with the guitar! Isn't that cute?" He and his buddies then proceeded to yell things at me throughout our set, like "Go girl!" and "Girl power!" *sigh* Alright, already. I'm a girl, I play bass, and I have a nice butt. Get over it. It's not like I'm really all that special. News flash: lots of girls play instruments. Many of them are hot. I know it's hard to believe, seeing as women don't have the mental capacity to handle hitting a few strings and making sounds come out of them. We're like monkeys that you train to sing and dance around in low-cut tops, right? As I've said before, I'm not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but seriously, can we have some more respect for female musicians please? What a night. When I got home from work yesterday I discovered, to my horror, that I'd somehow lost my L'Oreal Ideal Balance Quick Stick makeup. I was freaking out, tearing up the apartment looking for it. It must have fallen out of my purse somewhere in Center City. So I had Chris drive me to CVS and then Walgreens until I found some and shelled out fourteen bucks for it. I then held it up to my face, caressed it and whispered things to it, like, "I love you so much," and "I'll never lose you again." The other customers at Walgreens probably found it a little disturbing. I don't care, though, I love that stuff. If I wasn't married already, I'd marry that stuff. So there were some real characters on the train this morning. First there was this chick that I see often sitting by the door, an obvious bottle blonde with caked-on makeup and a high-pitched, annoying voice. She sits there by the door and chats up any man who happens to be within five feet of her, just makes meaningless small talk (the kind I hate) the whole train ride. For this reason, the conductors always flock to her and neglect their ticket-checking duties. It makes me sick. She talks in her loud, piercing voice and laughs obnoxiously and flirts blatantly and indiscriminately, and she just seems so phony I want to slap her. She's like a Hooters waitress trying to sell everyone some hot wings, or something. Ugh. Then there was the crazy lady sitting next to me. You know the type. She was scrunched up in the corner, with two purses full of trash and a Joyce Meyer book, eating things you should never eat at 7:30 in the morning. First, she took down half a chocolate-chip cookie the size of my purse. Now, honestly, that I can understand. I've had the odd cookie or two for breakfast myself, but then she took out a ball of tin foil and unwrapped some bratwurst with onions and mixed vegetables. At least, I think it was bratwurst, it smelled like the Austrian Village. The vegetables weren't even the kind you eat with breakfast, like tomatoes, or potatoes. They were the kind you buy in a can and cook with your TV dinners: corn, peas, and string beans. She sat there, scarfing that down, and every ten seconds she would jerk her arm out, like she was swatting away a spider only she could see. Then she suddenly looked up and smiled and yelled something, like she'd just seen someone she knew. Only, nobody had come on the train, and nobody sitting around us acknowledged her. So she went back to reading and eating and swatting, and I started to feel sick to my stomach from the smell of the bratwurst. I scrunched up in my own little corner of the three-person seat we were in, and tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone who came on, so they wouldn't think about making me move over so they could sit on the other side of me. I thought I was safe because there were still plenty of three-seaters with a free spot, but this guy came on and stood next to me and said something and I had to move over (bear in mind I had my headphones on the whole time so I couldn't hear what anyone was saying). So I spent my trip breathing in that smell and feeling like I was going to vomit, because it was 7:30 in the morning and my stomach is still upset from that bad leftover pasta I ate over a week ago, and this woman was eating food that should never grace one's palate until at least 4pm. Ugh again. People are just nuts, y'all. I'm looking forward to playing a venue I recognize next week. Rex's had a pretty decent-sized audience for one of our shows in 2006, and that was with a really bad storm going on outside. Speaking of venues, it's time for my Philly Dive Bathroom Competition... To recap: Bathrooms are rated on a scale of 0 to 5 in each of the following categories: Spaciousness Cleanliness Odor They are then awarded one additional point for each of the following: Dry floor Functioning toilet Functioning sink Fully-stocked toilet paper One or more available hand-drying tools One or more adequate trash receptacles One or more visible mirrors Absence of obscene graffiti Absence of any graffiti Doors that both close AND lock Available soap ..For a total of 26 possible points. The official winner for 2007 is the Troc, with 21 points. Bridgeport Rib House is a contender for 2008 with 20 points. I took away a point because they had a large mirror directly in front of the toilet. I hate it when people do that. That is one place I do not want to look at myself. Then I added the point back because they had a plunger, and I've NEVER seen a plunger in a dive bathroom before. I find it very convenient. Stay tuned for Rex's updated rating. Current Location: The 21st Century Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Phoenix

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February 27th, 2008

03:55 pm - Life's Too Short for Art House Movies We watched The Darjeeling Limited yesterday, and I guess it was OK, but jeez louise. I'm sick of these movies that try to make you sit around and reflect on your life. I hate reflecting on my life. I watch movies so I don't have to think. Too much telling, not enough showing. That tiger at the end should have mauled Adrien Brody. That would have ruled. Less "feelings" and more mindless violence, that's what that movie needs. Come to think of it, that's what every movie needs. I really love Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, and The Royal Tennenbaums, but I'm kind of soured on Wes Anderson now. He keeps getting progressively more artsy. There was one thing I really liked, though. Jason Schwartzman's character wrote short stories, and everyone kept thinking they were about real people, and he had to keep saying, "The characters are all fictional!" I can't tell you how much I can relate to that. People, just because I write something in the first person, that doesn't mean it's about me. It's called FICTION. Chris says he gets the same thing all the time about his songs. They don't always have to be about real stuff. Some people just have no imagination. Like, when my sisters read "The Baby Shower Killer," they were all like, "OMG you killed your mom!" [we always refer to her as "YOUR mom," because nobody wants to claim her as their own mother] I was like, no, the CHARACTER killed HER mom. Sure, that was inspired by my own experience as a 20-something married woman being constantly hounded by female relatives to have children, but, as much as said hounding throws me into a murderous rage, I'm not REALLY going to bring a knife to a baby shower and use it to hack up the next person who asks me when I'm having a baby, and I'm certainly not going to slaughter my own mother, I mean, then my dad would be stuck with all those kids, and I'm not about to move in there and help take care of them. Ugh. My stomach hurts. I had some bad leftover pasta over a week ago, my stomach still doesn't feel right. What did they put in that stuff anyway? I should sue the Olive Garden. I'm so tired of saltines. Blech. Current Location: Reality Current Mood: sick Current Music: 80's playlist

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08:47 am - Reading over strangers' shoulders is fun A woman was reading the City Paper at the train station this morning, and this is what the headline said: "Breaking & Entering... Twin gay porn stars suspected in tri-state burglary spree" I kid you not. Current Location: Pepto Bismania Current Mood: tired Current Music: 80's playlist

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