InsaneJournal

OMG please stop nose-whistling!!

Conversation with Gina, yesterday:

GINA:  Don't say "yuh-huh," it's a bad word.
ME:  Nuh-uh!
GINA:  Yuh-huh! ...*gasp!*

Why am I so bothered by all the stupid little noises people make? No one else seems to care if someone's sniffling or chewing or breathing really loudly and disgustingly. I mean, it drives me INSANE. I'd rather shove a screwdriver into my ears than listen to someone nose-whistle for an hour. I even wrote a story inspired by this problem, "New Great Citrus Taste." It was the first one I'd written in four years. I was so maddened by the sound of a woman in my office sucking on cough drops that I was moved to write for the first time in FOUR YEARS. That's crazy. I'm crazy.

Aaaaaaanyway... Have I mentioned how much I love On Writing? I just read a section about vocabulary and grammar. Man, King really hates adverbs, especially when it comes to dialogue attribution. For example:

"I can't believe it!" Mark exclaimed incredulously.

After I finished typing that sentence, somewhere in Maine Stephen King shuddered. He would prefer I just wrote this instead:

"I can't believe it!" said Mark.

Apparently, the other stuff written around that sentence should tip you off that he's exclaiming and that he's incredulous. Hmm... I would probably change it to this:

"I can't belive it!" Mark shouted.

But King would say that means I'm afraid the reader won't get what I'm trying to say. I'm being "timid."

I don't know. He has a point and he doesn't. I don't like to just use "he said," "she said," over and over again. If you do that you end up with stuff like this:

"I can't belive it!" said Mark.
"Me either," said Cheryl.
"It's unbelievable," said Nancy.
"Let's get out of here!" said Mark.
"OK," said Cheryl.

Said said said said... Who am I? J.K. Rowling? I mean, I love J.K., but I think it's a little better like this:

"I can't believe it!" Mark shouted.
"Me either," said Cheryl.
"It's unbelievable," Nancy said softly.
"Let's get out of here!" Mark urged.
"OK," said Cheryl.

Isn't that prettier? Come on. Of course, I would have them doing stuff in between the dialogue, so it looked more like this:

"I can't belive it!" Mark shouted, staring wide-eyed at the hulking body of the monster.
"Me either," said Cheryl.
"It's unbelievable," Nancy said softly. She clutched Mark's arm and buried her face in his itchy wool sweater.
"Let's get out of here!" Mark urged.
"OK," said Cheryl. The three of them turned and walked slowly out of the warehouse.

That's not bad, right? Regardless, I'll probably try to chill on my dialogue attribution on my next story and see how it works.

Here's another nice tidbit: King says when it comes to possession you should always put an apostrophe and an 's' after a word, even if the word ends in 's'. Yes!! Thank you!! I always thought it sounded stupid when people in church would go, "Jesus' disciples." Nobody talks like that. You would say "Jesus's disciples," "James's coat," "Chris's hat." THAT makes sense. FINALLY somebody said it.

I'm actually starting to think maybe I want to be a writer, like for real. I can keep cranking out stories like this all the time. If I can just be patient for once, I'll have enough for a book soon. Maybe I can even write a novel. "Home by the Sea" was supposed to be a novel. I've gotta re-examine that jawn. I mean, it's a really good idea. I gotta stop being so lazy. If I could sell this stuff I wouldn't have to have a crappy temp job. I could just write all the time and maybe work part time at a coffee shop. Wow, I just blew my own mind.

In the meantime, I've got a plan. I'm going to buy this book called The Novel and Short Story Writer's Market. It lists all these magazines and other publications that will accept short stories. I'm going to go to Kinko's one day and make a bunch of copies of my top three and start mailing them out. At best, I'll make a little money and have my name in print. At worst, I'll waste a couple of bucks at Kinko's and the post office. That's what I'm doing with my economic stimulus payment. I'm paying creditors, getting my haircut, and sending out manuscripts. Saying the word "manuscript" makes me feel so pretentious. "Please, read my manuscript. I'm better than you because I have a manuscript." lol Wow, I'm weird.