InsaneJournal

Current location:	The World's Longest Temp Job
Current mood:	bitter
Current music:	Ben Folds

I can write this crap.

if you woke up tired, you probably need more sleep. if you woke up drooling at your desk, you probably need a new job. if you woke up with a headache, on a ferris wheel at the idaho state fair, wearing a toga, you probably need answers, not to mention this product.

it's got potassium and b vitamins to help you recover and feel refreshed—kinda like in those old irish spring^® soap commercials.

and if you're like our boss, mike, and woke up married to an elvis impersonator, you probably need a lawyer.

That was written on the label of the Vitamin Water I drank this morning. Someone gets paid to write that crap, probably more than I get paid. They probably have some BS degree (BS has two meanings here, har har) in English or some other crap. They spent four years at school and thousands of dollars so they could get a job writing nonsensical prose using piss-poor grammar, hawking over-priced, watered-down juice. Damn it. Why don't I have that job?