InsaneJournal

Current location:	Deluxe Apartment in the Sky
Current mood:	accomplished
Current music:	Wilco

I'm an "Executive and Professional Woman," apparently.

So, here's how things have been going for me lately. My "temp to permanent" job at Rohm and Haas went from being just temp to nonexistent in May, after a year and a half of confusing and frustrating job limbo. The day I was escorted out of the building by security (yes, I seriously was), I came home and filed for unemployment compensation. For weeks after that I called several different "UC" representatives from everywhere from Norristown to Altoona to find out when I would receive the money I was legally owed. All of these representatives appeared to be card-carrying members of the historical "Know-Nothing" party. They claimed not to know when I would receive my payments, what the hold up was, where they were or what year it was. Finally, over a month after I filed, someone named "Jay" called and told me someone else had filled out the wrong form. A few days later I received three payments.

Since being led out of the Rohm and Haas building by security (I'm not kidding, I really was) and severing all ties with Kelly Services, I have been scouring the Internet daily for a possible new position. I assumed I would find a new job within two weeks, as I have all the other times I've been on the market. Two months and six interviews later, here I sit, still subsisting on my meager "UC," filling my days with Craigslist, cleaning, Dr. Mario and digital cable. My plan is to continue this sloth-like pattern for the full six months I can keep accepting "UC," and, if I'm still unemployed, get a job at Starbucks. Don't sigh or cluck your tongue in pity. I'd actually be thrilled to work at Starbucks. I'm kind of excited about the prospect of it. I love making lattes, for some reason, and I love the atmosphere of a coffee shop: the dim lighting, the soft music, the self-proclaimed artists, writers, and hipster college students who frequent such establishments.. it's all so very chill and relaxing. I'd be working there right now, if I thought I could make more money than I currently am on unemployment.

So, with no hope of a new job in the near future, I've begun to focus more on my humble web design business. I re-designed my home page (www.jenHM.com), finished the two web sites was working on, and put up some new ads on Craigslist. So far, I haven't had any serious bites.

However, I have good news (no, I didn't save a bunch of money on my car insurance)! Today I received a letter informing me that I've been considered for one of the highest honors for "executive and professional women" like me:


Dear Jennifer,

You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent Glenside, PA in the 2008/2009 online Cambridge Who's Who Registry Among Executive and Professional Women.

We are pleased to inform you that on July 9, 2008, your candidacy was approved. Your prompt response is needed to ensure your correct professional information. Fill out and return the enclosed reply card by August 7, 2008. We've provided the postage for your convenience.

The office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based upon the candidate's current position, and usually with information obtained from researched executive and professional listings. The Director thinks that you may make an interesting biographical subject, as individual achievement is what Cambridge Who's Who is all about.

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among thousands of accomplished individuals in the Cambridge Who's Who Registry. Remember, there is no cost to be included.

On behalf of the Managing Director, we look forward to your appearance in this year's edition. Best wishes for continued success.


Sincerely,

M. Foster
Editor in Chief


Wow! Out of all the "executive and professional women" in Glenside, the "Office of the Managing Director" chose me, based on my "current position" (unemployment?), and "information obtained from researched executive and professional listings" (Craigslist?). Out of all the female-owned businesses in Glenside, my $400 a year (on a good year) web design business is the best possible candidate for this registry of "thousands of accomplished individuals."

I cannot begin to express how honored I am to be considered as a "biographical candidate." Indeed, I do believe I would "make an interesting biographical subject." I can tell them all about my quest to beat the world record for highest score in Dr. Mario at medium speed, my struggle with my digital cable box, my love of daytime Mad TV reruns, and of course how I went from pizza-faced to "clean and clear and under control" in a matter of months. Other "executives and professionals" will certainly be impressed.

I must say, however, that I am not surprised that I have been considered for this honor. In all of my ten jobs, my positions could be called nothing if not "executive and professional." I've been a bus girl, a retail sales associate, a barista, a telemarketer, a bank teller, an administrative assistant, and of course a temp. If that isn't an impressive list of "individual achievements," I don't know what is.

I'd like to thank "M. Foster, Editor in Chief" of "Cambridge Who's Who," for promptly sending me this notification, complete with digitally processed signature, on July tenth, even though I just received it today, July 25th. Perhaps Bastille Day delayed its delivery. I will of course fill out the enclosed reply card and accept my candidacy, as no registry of "accomplished individuals" would be complete without Jennifer H. Meservey.